Embracing the Dawn

I hate the morning. and I always have; just ask my Therapist. Until the sun started rising in my bedroom window last week.

Growing up in New York City, even on the picturesque Upper West Side, had me waking up to aggressive blue jays, dirty pigeons, and a dark, grate-covered fire escape window. I hated the fact that the birds knew before I did that the sun was rising, and I’d have to wake up to another dark world, even in summer. And it wasn’t just my childhood bedroom window; my windows at Harvard, on vacation, and throughout my adulthood always faced some other direction than the light of the day and sun.. Even during my sun-filled days of Fire Island fun, I never wanted to watch the sun rise.

Sunset, specifically, and evening, generally, were totally different. On Fire Island my friends and I would make a nightly ritual of popping champagne corks into the Bay, watching “fireball” after “fireball” descend with the corks, after days of playing at the beach and before the communal dinner-cooking ritual.

But even before Fire Island, I’d always preferred sunset-filled evenings, because evenings were communal. There were Happy Hours, late night new business pitches, dinner celebrations, movie nights, date nights, girls’ nights, sleep-overs, and the list goes on. Mornings, on the other hand, were lonely, heavy, dark and avoided unless I had to catch an early flight, get to work early, or join an early training run for a marathon.

It wasn’t until 2015 that a name was put on what I had. Diurnal Depression. And it’s more common than most people realize. Especially during the colder, shorter days and seasons.

At the time I was offered anti-depressant or anti-anxiety pills, with the caveat that given my trauma history, I’d need a Therapist too. I opted for Therapy, with a back-up of emergency meds, not knowing I’d chosen the “harder road” to healing.

And I couldn’t be happier that I did. Because along that hard road, my Therapist, Dr. J started to see better than I did how my struggles to build a new life towards light and life were paying off. Especially, and ironically, over the past 2 years of Covid. My mornings suddenly began to represent opportunities to embrace my own home, the yard I’d invested so much time and effort in building for others to enjoy, Because the mornings were when the sun would rise for 4 hours for me to enjoy, even if I was all alone. I also learned to embrace the quiet of New York, when I’d always sought its noise, crowds and distractions. I learned to relish quiet solitude. And moving to Bermuda for 6 months solidified that appreciation. Everyone else could be on MY SCHEDULE, rather than the reverse.

Eve it wasn’t until last week when I finally moved into my new home facing south from every angle but especially the east in the morning, directly through my bedroom window, that waking to dawn took on an entirely new meaning for me. Dawn meant fresh starts, new beginnings, and a reason to get UP. To put the weight of depression, sadness, old expectations and stress aside. And to let the move into 2022 roll over me, into me and embrace me like every new day I’d see through my new window.

So, as you move into 2022, as we all will this week — and very likely on our own or in “safe” communal bubbles — I hope you too can rise to the occasion, embracing every dawn as a fresh start for yourself.

Happy New Year.

Holly Lynch is a 20+ year communications veteran and life-long social impact advocate and strategist who has helped individuals, educational leaders, and companies tackle the toughest challenges in their worlds.
Having survived countless life setbacks and two rounds with terminal cancer, while seeing the country-wide collapse of the systems and safety nets for the most vulnerable in and outside our communities, she is now shifting her life and career trajectories to focus on coaching those facing down fundamental shifts and transitions as they try to navigate and rebuild their lives, institutions and businesses during these unprecedented times.