Finding the Opportunity in Loss
“Try to remember when life was so tender
That no one wept except the willow
Try to remember the kind of September
When love was an ember about to billow
Try to remember and if you remember
Then follow, follow…”
On May 12th, the US remembered its 1 million dead so far from Covid, and I once again traveled back in time (for the 8th year) to my trip in a taxi to NYU Medical Center, when I should have died from an emergency craniotomy and brain resection. And what’s strange, for me at least, is that while many reminisce for “what was before” Covid, or honestly any other tragic incident, I do not. In many ways “that Holly” did die on the operating table. And her hair certainly did months later from the radiation that followed.
For those not familiar with what a cranial radiation mask looks like (btw) that’s what’s featured above, not some creepy Hannibal Lector homage. And I enjoyed asking the radiation techs what they were doing, asking them to take the pictures of this new adventure I was on.
In fact, losing my hair was the beginning of an entirely new point of view on life and the world in front of me, where one by one the ties that bound me to my life before cancer began to be cut, and I found the will and desire to do and be something completely different. To LIVE LIVE LIVE! As Auntie Mame would have wanted me to.
It’s a unique perspective that many like me who have come that close to death sometimes understand. And it’s an opportunity I try to empower my clients and friends to see and seize when they collapse into a catabolic state of victimhood and reminiscence for “better times past.” The thing I learned from my work and personal relationships is that client or friend needs to recognize and WANT to move forward and live. I can’t impose my POV on them or assume they have the same strength and capacity to face tragedy and loss as I do. I can only enable them to possibly see another side.
And the same is tragically true of our governments and communities. Especially in small places like Bermuda, where “a certain way of life” had always worked until 9/11. Tourists flocked the glorious pink sand beaches of the South Shore, Cruise Lines, Resorts and Cottage Colonies (and their staff) alike flourished from the regular clientele from the Eastern seaboard, who lavishly drank and spent money as if US tourist dollars would never end. But they did. 9/11 followed by The Great Recession and Covid (along with the much more affordable all-inclusive/no restrictions resorts of Cancun and other beach destinations).
One near death (let alone 3) might have opened their minds to a different economic life-trajectory: green tech, marine ecology, wave energy, local organic farming, given all the nutrient-rich kelp washing up on those gorgeous beaches. Even fish-farming. But sadly, it hasn’t. Taxi driver after driver wishes for “how it was”, and so does the government, as it once again invests in building hotels as well tourist and hospitality jobs, hoping the flow of dollars will follow. Even as more young people and their many diverse-founded start-ups are trying to test out a different way of life. It’s enough to make me cry sometimes.
Now, before my Bermudian readership gets upset with me, I wanted to recognize that the US and many other places have done the exact same thing. Even going so far as to Brexit or MAGA, instead of make the essential pivot in perspective to ensure growth and life.
So, this week as you feel yourself reminiscing about or regretting some unforeseen and unwanted change in your situation, I’d encourage you to ask yourself, “What can I do with this opportunity to grow?” instead.
Holly Lynch is a 20+ year communications veteran and life-long social impact advocate and strategist who has helped individuals, educational leaders, and companies tackle the toughest challenges in their worlds.
Having survived countless life setbacks and two rounds with terminal cancer, while seeing the country-wide collapse of the systems and safety nets for the most vulnerable in and outside our communities, she is now shifting her life and career trajectories to focus on coaching those facing down fundamental shifts and transitions as they try to navigate and rebuild their lives, institutions and businesses during these unprecedented times.