Facing Fear, Finding Freedom
“…First of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is…fear itself”
FDR was right, and clinical studies have proven that The impact of fear and anxiety for prolonged periods of time is actually often worse for our bodies and minds than facing the reality.
So, I’m asking you, What Are You So Afraid Of? Really. I mean it. Close your eyes. Take a breath. Look inside. And ask your inner child, what frightens you so much, right now?
Is a family member or friend dying of COVID? Do you think you’re going to lose a job or home? Is your partner leaving you? Or are your kids moving on to University or their own lives beyond your shelter? Or perhaps you’ve received a potential diagnosis that’s left you on the edge of a cliff.
Or maybe you’ve decided that after all these years of pursuing a life path that seemed pretty clear and steady — job, family, set vacation days, benefits, normalcy, etc. that that situation isn’t clear, steady or what you actually WANT out of life.
What makes these pivotal transition points in our lives so frightening and downright PARALYZING is the uncertainty, the loneliness, the isolation and the confusion of what “knowing” “The Truth” or the path to follow next. And it’s often that inner child reminding us of a time we took a risk and it really hurt or how lonely it felt when the other kids didn’t include us at the table at lunch, so we had to eat alone.
As someone who’s faced almost every single one of these situations, please know your feelings are completely normal. And valid. You deserve a big hug, companionship and a partner on your journey, which this past week has demonstrated to me.
24 hours ago, I thought my dog — my partner and best friend of 10 and a half years — had gone suddenly and completely blind in both eyes, and I might have to put her down. Pippa has seen me through 2 rounds of cancer and been my truest companion through every struggle. And truly, honestly, I’d be happier to have cancer again than lose her. So, I asked myself the same question I asked you. What are you so afraid of? The answer was very clear. Being alone again. Letting go of the security and constant love I’ve felt by her presence in my life. And I pushed myself to live through what that would mean.
1. How I would feel.
2. What I would have to do.
3. And most importantly, who I could turn to for support as I made these decisions and felt these feelings.
Please know this process is only slightly more comfortable for me, because I’ve had to do it many times before, with the support of my therapist and friends. And my current coaching program is supplementing my understanding of how to support others as they do the same.
So, I did it, and I thank God I had the support of my new friends, adoptive family and fellow animal lovers, Raphie and Phil. Raphie immediately made an appointment and drove me to the vet here in Bermuda, where we were told pretty honestly, by Dr. Jenn, that she wasn’t sure she could save Pippa’s eyes and we’d have to consider Quality of Life. This is code (when referring to dogs or pets) for keeping her on life support. With baby gates and minimal freedoms to live as she has. I was terrified. And grief-stricken. As we sat in the car wondering what Dr. Jenn would say when she came back after looking at Pippa, Raphie and I methodically walked through the worst-case scenario together. I envisioned getting the news. How I would feel. What I would do. Who’d be with me as I let her go. Where we would do it. What I’d say to her. Even how I’d begin to move on.
And as I pushed myself through the full grieving process — letting Pippa go, as she had lived, with all my love and the love of everyone else she has brought joy to — the fear miraculously lifted. Not only that, but Dr. Jenn returned with Pippa saying she thought she could save one of her eyes and wanted to try a treatment of steroids under the advice of an ophthalmologist. I applied the treatment diligently through the night while praying just as diligently that my little friend would come back to me.
Needless to say, Pippa this morning was worlds better and seeing not just out of one eye but two! And the fear that so limited my own vision yesterday could be put back in its place.
So, I ask again, What are you so afraid of?
Once you’ve named it, I’d recommend asking yourself, If this happens:
1. How would I feel?
2. What would I have to do?
3. Who could I turn to for support as I take these actions and feel these feelings.
More than anything, though, please, please, please, don’t let fear stop you from MOVING AT ALL. You see, while your inner child may be trying to help you, most likely you know how to move beyond that past experience. And if you don’t, I promise you, I’m here to support you, as are many like me.