Happiness is…?
“VIOLA: What country, friends, is this?
Captain: This is Illyria, lady.
VIOLA: And what should I do in Illyria? My brother he is in Elysium. Perchance he is not drown’d: what think you, sailors?
Captain: It is perchance that you yourself were saved.”
For those not familiar with Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, it is the tale of identical twin sister and brother Viola and Sebastian, who not only have just lost both their parents but been shipwrecked and separated by a storm at sea and believe each other to be dead, and themselves to be completely alone.
Normally the themes called out by those teaching Shakespeare will refer to the struggle both go through in pursuit of Romantic Love, while others will refer to Gender, because Viola effectively cross-dresses to get a job with the local count and then falls in love with him.
But in my perception, the overarching theme no one pays attention to is the fact that no one is able to Recognize Happiness, except, perhaps, the two Sea Captains — this one, who goes unnamed, and Antonio, who coincidently rescues Sebastian.
Ilyria — while a physical place in the Balkans, then and now — also serendipitously means “cheerful” in Italian. And by the end of the play, as with all of Shakespeare’s comedies, everyone is appropriately coupled with the correct gender and “happy” or “cheerful”.
What keeps me focused on this first encounter with the coastlines of Ilyria and the Captain’s statement, though, is that he “thinks” or recognizes this arrival as a happy miracle — “perchance… you yourself were saved”. But Viola sees only the struggle of a new place, the despair of losing her brother, and the journey she must now take “to find happiness”. Rather than realizing the happy accident that has saved her life, and brought her to a friendly captain who will help her on the journey.
A lot of coaches, therapists and advisors of all sorts will tell you Happiness is a Choice. In other words, how You Choose to Perceive a situation as an opportunity for happiness. And while I won’t disagree with that, I also think Happiness is often spontaneous. And less about external choices and validations. And more like Serendipity, or “Per Chance”, or an Epiphany, it appears in the unforeseen snot and tears that come with an unexpectedly good laugh, or the brilliant sunshine that comes over the horizon if you’re awake to see it, or the miraculous discovery that you are not going to die of cancer or Covid. Most importantly, what I’m trying to articulate is that Happiness Can And Is In All Around Us Every Single Waking And Breathing Moment Of Our Lives, if we take time to recognize it. As my peer client pointed out to me recently, it’s in the “everyday miracles” of life. Now mind you, she thinks skunks are miraculous, and I wouldn’t necessarily go THAT FAR, but I do agree with her conceptually.
Because, up until last August, I was Pursuing Happiness, as if it were a distant, concrete milestone, like the finish line for the marathon. To be clear, I didn’t see Happiness as having Tangible Things. But I did crave it in the sense of Meaning and Purpose. After not dying of cancer once again in 2016, I needed there to be some sort of external Meaning for it all. A Reason for the Struggle and Pain. I literally couldn’t recognize that the Purpose and Meaning, was in fact Me. My Life. My Every Breathing Moment. It was for me to see in myself everything I’ve always wanted to be but hadn’t recognized.
In August, however, that Pursuit, came to an abrupt end when I allowed a couple of serendipitous conversations — one with my therapist, the other with an IPEC Coach, to open my eyes to the fact that I knew where “my happy place” physically was. Bermuda. But more than that, Who I Am when I am here.
1. I am colorful
2. I am full of and surrounded by laughter and light, even when I’m on my own
3. I allow every day to reveal something new to me
4. And I take time to recognize and be grateful for that new revelation.
So, today, as you move on from reading this, I ask, how can you allow Happiness to Serendipitously appear and guide you to a deeper recognition of the miracle and value that is you? And live it. Every moment. Every day?
Holly Lynch is a 20+ year communications veteran and life-long social impact advocate and strategist who has helped individuals, educational leaders, and companies tackle the toughest challenges in their worlds.
Having survived countless life setbacks and two rounds with terminal cancer, while seeing the country-wide collapse of the systems and safety nets for the most vulnerable in and outside our communities, she is now shifting her life and career trajectories to focus on coaching those facing down fundamental shifts and transitions as they try to navigate and rebuild their lives, institutions and businesses during these unprecedented times.